Gateways to Change

Counselors and coaches serve as gateways to change. However, counselors and coaches are not the creators of change. This concept is important to know because many people come to counseling in pain and suffering. They are looking for answers, they are looking for solutions, and more often than not, they are looking for a quick fix. Nobody enjoys hearing about other people's failures, broken relationships, or sickness, but that is part of what counselors and some coaches are called to do. However, as much as counselors and coaches can extend compassion and offer help, the one thing we can not do is wave a magic wand and immediately change a person's situation.

We are called to be healers, but we do so with the understanding that we carry our own wounds. Nevertheless, as counselors, we offer help to clients as wounded healers, and as wounded healers, we possess a level of empathy and openness that serves us as we serve our clients.  

The sufferer in Isaiah 53 is depicted as a servant and a Savior. So many times, coaches and counselors want to be the savior. They want to save people from their problems, but the truth is that we can only truly help them by serving them and supporting them as they navigate through the issues of life.  

I have witnessed many people who have not been trained in counseling or coaching attempt to help people, but sometimes they do more harm than good. Most people try to help solve a person's problem by pointing to what they believe is the source of the problem. Do you remember Job's friends? After a while, they concluded that Job must have done something to bring this suffering on himself.   

His friend, Eliphaz, says, "As I have observed, those who plow evil, and those who sow trouble reap it" (Job 4:8). Later his friend Bildad offers, "See, God will not reject a blameless person nor take the hand of evildoers" (Job 8:20). Then to make matters worse, Job's friend Zophar advises, "If you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then, free of fault, you will lift up your face; you will stand firm and without fear" (Job 11:14-15).

These three friends were innocently trying to help solve Job's problem by pointing to what they believed was the source of the problem. However, the way that these friends should have helped was to do what they initially did at the beginning of Job's pain and suffering. The Bible tells us in Job 2:13 that they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him because they saw how great his suffering was.  

You may not have been trained to diagnose a problem or find a solution to that problem as a counselor or coach, but you can always offer support as a person goes through a problem. Knowing that people care and knowing someone is there is often the most significant thing that people in pain and suffering need.   

Counselors and Coaches are generally trained in these areas and can offer the appropriate help at the appropriate time. Unfortunately, many clients are hoping for immediate relief, which is typically impossible. Therefore, the role of a wounded healer is not to perform miracles but to use wisdom, compassion, and empathy to simply explain the process of healing. Thus counselors and coaches can offer the hope and assistance their clients need in order to start taking the necessary steps toward healing.

In this way, counselors and coaches serve as gateways to change.