Can a Lost Love Be Found?

While driving in my car, I found myself listening to the lyrics of the Earth, Wind, and Fire song “After the Love is Gone” as it played on the radio.

Most of you know the song, and many of you can sing the words by heart. Therefore, most of you already know the verse that says, “Somethin' happened along the way, what used to be happy was sad. Somethin' happened along the way, and yesterday was all we had.” Then, a few verses later, the song continues, “Oh, after the love has gone, what used to be right is wrong,” before the singer eventually asks the question, “Can love that's lost be found?”

This brings me to the question and to the topic of this post. Can a love that has been lost be found?

When we start a new relationship, everything feels fresh and intense. We can't get enough of each other. But, over time, the initial spark starts to fade, and we may wonder if we are still in love with our partner. This is a common experience in relationships, but it doesn't have to be the end of the story.   

Before we dive into the strategies for getting that spark back and rekindling your love, it's helpful to understand what love is and how it works. Love is a complex emotion that involves a mix of feelings, behaviors, and thoughts. However, psychologists have identified three main components of love, which are intimacy, passion, and commitment. 

Intimacy refers to the emotional closeness and connection you feel with your partner. Passion is the intense physical and sexual attraction you have for your partner. Commitment is the decision to stay with your partner and work through the issues, problems, and ups and downs that all relationships experience.

As a new relationship's initial passion and excitement tend to fade naturally over time, couples can get used to one another and become comfortable. However, one spouse may feel like the other is taking them for granted at some point. In addition, couples may also be facing external forms of stress that can put a strain on their relationship. This stress can include financial problems, health issues, or parenting responsibilities. Finally, in addition to the previous, couples may develop negative communication and behavior patterns that slowly erode the intimacy and connection of being together.  

So again, the question remains, “Can love that's lost be found?”

Fortunately, there are several strategies that couples can use to reignite the flame of love in their relationship. Here are just a few suggestions:

Be Grateful. One of the simplest but most powerful ways to improve a relationship is to focus on the positive aspects of your partner and remember to express your gratitude and appreciation for them. Research has shown that expressing gratitude can increase feelings of love and satisfaction in a relationship. We can notice and acknowledge what our partner does well, whether cooking a delicious meal or supporting you through a tough time. 

BeSpontaneous. Spontaneity and excitement are vital ingredients in the early stages of love. To reignite the passion in a long-term relationship, introduce new and exciting experiences. Breaking out of your routine and challenging yourselves to try new things can bring you closer together.

Be a Listener. Effective communication is essential for any healthy relationship but becomes even more critical when rekindling love. Many times a person can be so busy trying to get their point across that they neglect to listen. The purpose of listening is not to take notes so you can provide a rebuttal but instead to try to understand. This does not mean that you should agree with everything. However, it means that you should at least try to see your partner’s side.  

If you and your spouse are struggling to rekindle the love in your relationship, don't hesitate to seek professional help. As a pastor and life coach, I specialize in helping couples work through their issues and find ways to reignite the spark in their relationship. Through counseling and coaching, I can help you and your partner communicate more effectively, address past hurts and resentments, and develop a deeper sense of intimacy and connection.

So don't wait any longer to take the first step towards a happier, more fulfilling relationship. Schedule an appointment with me today, and let's work together to rebuild your love.

About the Author